Chocolate For Your Disappointment?

Well today has definitely been a busy day if nothing else. I wish I was coming back to this blog after the days I’ve been away with something happier so I’ll make the negativity brief and then move on to the chocolate 😉

My decision to start writing about my pain, my condition was not easy. I knew I was opening myself up to all sorts of judgement. So far though, all of you wonderful bloggers and readers have been nothing but supportive and sympathetic to me. I don’t think I expected so much positive encouragement and I am so so grateful for it all.

There are some people however, who aren’t so sympathetic or more to the point empathetic.

Today I had an appointment with the rheumatologist and he essentially told me that he thinks my pain, fatigue and everything else comes from a mixture of my body’s imbalances from growing  and from my “depression”  which is due to the stress placed on young people in university, particularly prestigious institutions…

Well, firstly I haven’t grown since I was 13 years old. I.e. in 6 years. Don’t you think it’s taking my body rather a long time to sort itself out?

Secondly I am not depressed. I know what depression is, it is a serious mental illness, not to be treated lightly and not to be dismissed. But it is not what I have. I think that anyone who was experiencing what I have been going through for the past 5 years would feel a bit down occasionally. It’s hardly tea in the park! But I am not depressed, I am actually fundamentally an upbeat person who has been trying to make the most of frankly a pretty rubbish situation. So if I feel a little upset or frustrated I think that is a little understandable.

Anyway, can I just ask what makes a rheumatologist qualified to make that diagnosis? He essentially tried to typecast me into some mould – he asked me if I was feeling at all depressed, how my periods are and that I was looking quite thin so had I lost weight recently? I told him that I occasionally felt a bit low because it was tough to deal with, that my periods have been incredibly painful but regular ever since they started age 12 (sorry for the TMI) and that I had actually put on over half a stone since starting university thank you very much for asking.

So yes, as you can tell, not the best appointment and certainly not what I was hoping for. Chronic pain and fatigue problems are still an area of medicine which is not properly understood and there are plenty of medical professionals who feel sceptical about it all. Clearly he was one of them.

And no, thank you for offering but I will not be taking anti-depressants.

Anyway sorry about that rant! I think I just needed to get it all off my chest. I hope I haven’t irritated anyone by having this moan, I was just frustrated that he thought the best treatment would be “re-introducing me to gradual exercise” and a course of anti-depressants when clearly the first is sort of useless seeing how I have been exercising pretty regularly for the past 3 years and that I’m not depressed.

But I do have some positive things for you today so I will move on to those now. Much more fun!

After that fiasco my mum and I decided to go for coffee in town to cheer ourselves up. We tried a new little coffee shop with Scandinavian influences. It was pretty cute with magazines and books to read, pretty tiny too though.

It was nice to finally have some time to relax after an exhausting 3 days of singing and a tough term. I hope that I will be able to enjoy lots more relaxing time in town as it’s lovely in the spring and there’s so much to do.

I ate a very orange lunch today: tomato tart, roasted butternut squash, chopped carrot and a couple of sesame oat crackers. It might have been rather orange which is definitely not one of my favourite colours but it was pretty tasty!

This afternoon was spent working and then indulging on some more deliciousness:

Flourless chocolate cake (recipe from the Primrose Bakery book). It is so moreish and indulgent, seriously one of the best things I have eaten in a while. I baked it with my sister which was fun too as we haven’t had a good chat in a long time. Definitely good to catch up and hang out 🙂

Plus it’s never bad when you have the gorgeous aroma of baking and chocolate filling the room!

Now it’s super late, I should have been in bed at least an hour ago so I shall leave you with a photo of dinner:

Chicken curry, basmati rice, cucumber raita and mango chutney – so good!

Have you ever been in that sort of position at the doctor’s?
Any advice as to what I should do?
Have you baked anything indulgent lately?




  1. Bummer about the doctor appointment, sounds super frustrating! I don’t blame you for wanting to vent about it, it’s SO annoying when a doctor just tries to shove pills at you and tell you to be on your way. Hopefully you’ll be able to find a better specialist in the future.
    That cake sounds fantastic! I can only imagine how amazing your kitchen smelled 🙂
    Have a great evening friend!

  2. Sorry to hear about your doctors appointment. I hope you find a doctor who is willing to help you and understand what you’re really going through. Best of luck to you! But it sounds like you turned the start of a bad day into a good one. All your eats look delicious! I love all the ethnic food (to me) going on!

  3. I used to think that doctors had all the answers but something I’ve realised is that you have to take control of your own wellbeing. I’ve even asked to see other doctors and for second opinions. They aren’t infallible! That chocolate cake looks like it will have been enough to make you feel much better though!

    1. Yes I think you’re right! It’s just so frustrating when it comes from someone like a rheumatologist as you have to wait for appointments. Indeed, I definitely think it helped 🙂

  4. Grr you have every right to be frustrated with this doctor and the situation! It sounds like he is trying to belittle your pain and that is just ridiculous. As if you you are making this stuff up and it could be so easily fixed? IF that were the case I am sure you would have done what you needed to already! Dohhh I am frustrated for your Sophie! I am of course hoping you can find a specialist soon and that they can help you
    That dinner looks wonderful…mango chutney? Oh yes 🙂

  5. Ugh, I hate when doctors don’t listen, or just make a snap judgment and run with it. I DID struggle with depression, and the psychiatrist I went to immediately tried to give me antidepressants. I expressed an interest in, you know, trying other/more lasting options first, and her response was basically, “Nah, let’s just get you on some drugs.” My advice? If they don’t listen now, they never will. Go to someone else.

    1. It’s useless isn’t it, they just want to pump us with drugs! I’d much rather try something like CBT etc than take anti-depressants. I hope you’ve found someone who listens to you and works with you to find a treatment! Hope you’re okay lovely ❤

      1. I’ve heard good things about CBT–I work in addiction recovery and I know most of our treatment programs are either based on or heavily involved with CBT. It’s something I’d consider if I really started struggling again. And thank you! I most certainly am good these days–I didn’t go about it the right way (after continuing to go to that pyschiatrist for a while and getting utterly frustrated, I just gave up on professional help entirely), but I found what works for me and have been free from any major depression episodes for…wow, I think almost four years now. I still have my lows, but I can turn them around–my life is definitely a positive thing these days, and I love all of it. Even the hard times–I don’t regret or dread them, because they shape who I am and let me enjoy and focus on the good even more (which I guess is a feeling you understand, too!).

  6. So sorry to hear about the doctor’s appointment! I hope you’ll be able to find someone else who is willing to listen to you and not make assumptions. My advice is to definitely find another doctor who cares about their patients. The chocolate cake looks delightful! :]

  7. Grrr – this post has made me angry! I suppose doctors are just people, and some people are idiots. It doesn’t sound like he listened to you at all. Could you back to your GP and talk about your experience and perhaps try to get a second opinion?

    1. Thanks for the support Sarah! I am definitely going to see my GP again when I’m back in the summer because she is a lot more understanding. It’s so difficult when you only have a very limited amount of time to talk to them! Hope you’re having a lovely Easter weekend 🙂

  8. I just want to say that I love your blog. Found you on What Emily Will do Next – her blog is adorable as well. And I love chocolate cake and wondering if I overanalyze everything so I’m sure we’d get along great. : )

  9. Sometimes, doctors can’t see the wood for the trees. Keep pushing for a diagnosis, I’m sure you’ll get somewhere soon!

    That chocolate cake looks dense and moist – an ideal pick-me-up 🙂

  10. I love the smell of baking chocolate cake. I had a nice reminder of it last night 😉

    And I can relate really well to frustrating doctors apointments. I’m still struggling to find one I can trust/have open communication with and who I feel honestly WANTS to help me. I’ve been a few already and have been misjudged , completly misunderstood, and felt entirely ignored . And I’ve encountered the “quick fix” anti-depressent solution as well.

    I hope the rest of your week goes well.

    Ps: Thank you so much for your comment , it came at a time I really needed it 🙂

    1. I’m glad it helped! I’m here whenever you need me 🙂

      I’m sorry you’ve had so much trouble with doctors too, it sounds like you had a really tough time with some of them 😦 I really hope that you find someone who listens and understands soon lovely!

      Thank you, you too 🙂

  11. this post makes me SO ANGRY!

    my mom had so many “professionals” tell her she didn’t have RA but she does….she had so many people misdiagonse her and make it worse.

    On to the depression – FURIOUS! I know some people benefit from meds and such but I for one am so sick to death of people just tossing out pills and labeling people with mental illnesses within one meeting of them I just might die from anger 😉 I have been WRONGLY diagnosed with tons of stuff. The only time I ever tried anything suicidal I was on an SSRI 😛 true story.

    I went in to a family therapy center to talk to someone right after I had Logan and they told me that I had anxiety and chronic depression and had to go on meds – ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I think not. Medication works for some but I for one hate it, I think it makes matters worse and the reason why these mental issues are so prevalent now is b/c we don’t get to talk out our issues anymore, find out how we can change by empowering ourselves and instead we are just labeled and stuffed in a closet. Well I’m sick of it.

    Sorry for the rant. but you’re right he is NOT qualified to make that diagnosis….everyone gets diagnoses with depression and anxiety. It’s ridiculous.

    1. Oh gosh, that sounds like a nightmare for your mum! I’m glad she has managed to be diagnosed dispite!

      I know, I completely agree with you. It’s unhelpful, sometimes even harmful! And I definitely agree that we need to find ways around medication where possible and that we need to learn to talk about our issues!

      I hope you’re doing okay lovely, been thinking about you a lot! ❤

  12. Ughhh! I hate doctors who don’t want to make people better, they just want their life to be east. I think you’re right in being annoyed – I certainly would be!

  13. I agree, I hate doctors who don’t listen to what you’re saying, or who focus on one or two words they heard and miss the rest. That’s the main reason I’ve stayed away from doctors for as long as I have, at least until I found my current GP. She will sit and talk with me about things that are going on, she’ll go through anything I bring in with me (we had quite the discussion about the changing methods of diagnosing Fibromyalgia, she had no idea!)

    Now, not to play devil’s advocate (because I quite agree with you), and I know things are different here in the US, but I know my GP put down “depression” when she issued me something to help me sleep even though she’d leaning towards Fibro, not depression. What she told me is that she’s not convinced it’s Fibro yet, and if she puts that down, it marks me with a “pre-existing condition” for life, but if she puts “situational depression”, insurance will cover the meds and it’s only considered a temporary thing. Also, maybe suggesting exercise and anti-depressants are a normal “first shot” when similar complaints are presented, I don’t know. At any rate, once you pointed out that you already exercise (good for you, by the way) and didn’t want meds, he should have listened to you. It is your health, after all. No one knows your body better than you do.

    1. Firstly welcome to my blog and thanks for leaving such a thoughtful comment! I can completely understand why you stayed clear from the doctors for so long and your current GP sounds really great – I’m glad you have someone to help you.

      That’s quite an interesting way of looking at it, I hadn’t thought of any of that. Although in the UK there is no issue with the insurance I can see why the rest could be relevant. To be honest, the main reason I want a real diagnosis is because then it becomes much easier to be granted the support at uni!

      Thank you for the support 🙂 I completely agree with what you said at the end there!

  14. Hi, i’m anna, i’ve discovered your blog recently and i absolutely love it, you manage to put words on your feeling and you can be proud of it 😉
    Actually, i am french girl, and a med student. I really understand your point of view. During my studies, i’m often shocked by some professors’ vision about that sort of things, who for example denigrate alternative medicines. But others are well beware about the significance to considerate the whole dimension of each person, to be able to heal the illness.
    The problem is that the conventional medicine often associate fibromyalgia with depression, and that’s why your doctor ask you those questions. I know it’s hard but you should explain your feelings at him. And if you already have, maybe try to find another doctor who is known for his comprehension and opened mind. I think that when someone struggled so many years like you, it’s essential that your therapist understand your feelings to help you.
    I hope you will feel better in the future, stay brave like you are, and know that what your share with this blog is beautiful.
    (sorry for my english mistakes :p )

    1. Hi Anna, thank you so much first for checking out my blog and second for all of the kind things you’ve said! 🙂

      It was very interesting to read your comment as I have never had it from that perspective. I can completely understand why doctors link fibromyalgia and depression so often, what frustrates me is that often because of this, fibromyalgia is just viewed as a psychosomatic problem which is ridiculous!

      Thank you for the support, I am definitely going to carry on searching for a more understanding and better informed specialist!

      I’m so glad you found my blog and don’t worry at all about English mistakes, your English is very good! I speak fluent French (my mother is French) anyway so if it’s easier to comment in French then do 🙂

  15. It’s ridiculous how quick doctors are to prescribe antidepressants to young women! My friend at university went to the doctors to complain about losing weight and being tired, and without even asking for any symptoms, family history, running tests, they said ‘you are depressed’ and gave her some tablets. After many more doctors visits, a long time later, she found out she had Crohns disease, not depression!

    That cake looks so good! I’ve never thought of making flourless cake.

    1. I completely agree! I’ve had several friends be prescribed them lately and it’s really not helpful. Your poor friend, being messed around like that only to be diagnosed with Crohns disease is really not nice 😦

      Thanks – it was delicious!

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